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67 Ways to be Annoying

1. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

2. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

3. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public
   consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while
   talking to others.

5. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

6. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch
   paper, 99 copies.

7. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

8. Sniffle incessantly.

9. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

10. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

11. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your
    neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace.

12. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it
    was a "real hoot."

13. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:"
     them to your boss.

14. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if
     people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

15. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with
    prophesy."

16. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

17. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
    awkward silences with the impression that youll be saying more any
     moment.

18. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over
    your ears.

19. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a
    nasal Howard Cosell voice.

20. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green,
    and insist to others that you "like it that way."

21. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

22. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

23. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI
    copyright warnings.

24. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.

25. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

26. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

27. Honk and wave to strangers.

28. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

29. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

30. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of
    rental movies.

31. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their
    complimentary mints by the cash register.

32. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

33. only type in lowercase.

34. dont use any punctuation either

35. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute
    whole streets.

36. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

37. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

38. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

39. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of
    someone's roadmaps.

40. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you
    hear that?"  "What?"  "Never mind, it's gone now."

41. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their
    parsley.

42. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

43. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

44. Stand over someones shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

45. Pretend your computers mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

46. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the
    bottom of your chin.  When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed
    it up," and repeat.

47. Ask people what gender they are.

48. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie
    parts back in the tray.

49. Hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such
    as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme
    song.

50. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
    parakeet.

51. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day..

52. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of
    being first in the phone book, claim its a Hawaiian name, and demand
    that people pronounce each "a."

53. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars
    to see if they slow down.

54. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

55. Wear a LOT of cologne.

56. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster
    speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

57. Sing along at the opera.

58. Mow your lawn with scissors.

59. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

60. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary
    friend."

61. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

62. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic
    picture."

63. Never make eye contact.

64. Never break eye contact.

65. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

66. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

67. Invite lots of people to other peoples parties.

68. On buses, attempt to convince the driver to take a really cool
short-cut you know. Barter and haggle for your fare.


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